words

time to write again
because the world is too temporary
and fleeting, ever changing

realizations
come and go
i sit
and watch
as
each day
unfolds

unsettled
by thoughts
of being priviledged
(compared to the rest)
and still,
feeling
powerless
and
knowledge-less
(if that's a word)

wanting
to help
to do
to be
more.

ingrained
since birth?
all that i am
merely a product
of time and place?
how pathetic.

-----------------

invisibile, watching everything, taking it all in, passive or engaged?
music only helping my closing my ears to the world outside
found in a place of nowhere. nothing to do (or want to)
what now?
time constraining, sleep depriving, my mind wandering, busy
distracted by everything. else.
wearing a scarf as my symbol of acceptance, am i ok now?
i don't think so.

-----------------

writing. flowing.
from somewhere inside
not too eloquent
mostly struggling
to find some sense
in this chapter of my life

------------------

divorce, marriage
garbers, zwygers
the difference,
God?

so much pain and hurting
from all sides
death of love. birth of truth.
who knows.

---------------

what does it all mean?
i have just been rocked into a reflective state of being
(unsureness)
my whole self - beliefs, values, habits, goals, hopes and dreams
all temporary?
all simply a function of this society? of capitalism?
of patriarchy? of sexism? of simply being born while and a female?
suddenly aware of the complications of meaning
of understanding (or knowing) myself? in context?
of now?
too many questions and doubts
doubts cast on my fundamental values
read and write - just to get marks because i pay to
attend this institution that cultivates the "brightest and best"
mostly just the overachievers in high school
now all together, an amalgamation of selfish people
that's all we are, when it comes down to it.
thank you society (capitalism)
BUT, are we merely vessels of our current social world,
just passive recievers of all these things
no.
we reason (or so i'm told)
and have the capacity to act beyond,
from something greater within,
(perhaps humanity itself)
i don't know
and
i don't know that i can act this way
when it's so much easier just to passively drift
with the current.

(time for class)

evz
nov. 3. o8